I'd written the blog post about my supposed lack of art therapy this summer, and I was dealing with the fallout from my weekly therapy session with the wonderful Stacie Cummins McLaughlin (if you're in the Providence area and need a therapist, see her), and I was full of "shoulds" (which I'm trying to change to "coulds" - see what I mean in a future blog post).
Lots of shoulds. Like what I should do today. I should hang out at MickeyD's and do some work on my new self portrait project.
I should get my hair cut (after 2 months of dallying - I really hate getting my hair cut).
I should go to Staples and get a black ink cartridge. Blah blah blah.
And always, I should make art.
Problem was that I was dealing with repercussions from my therapy session. It'd been very difficult and I was feeling upset, angry, sad, negative - you get the idea. I actually do think that if I feel this way after a therapy session it's been a good one. It means that I've chipped away a bit at the brick wall I'm trapped behind.
I also should note that this mood was probably not noticeable to people - I'm very good at hiding it. Too good.
What I did do was get my hair cut, grab some things at Dollar Tree, and pick up 2 things from Stop and Shop - all in the same plaza, handy because I don't drive but use public transport. Turns out that part of what I got from DT was unnecessary, but that's OK. And went home and wondered what to do.
Simmering beneath all my recent angst has been the awareness that if I intend to go back to Etsy (not that I really was thinking of leaving but I didn't know what I was going to do), now would be a good time to get ready.
Etsy is a necessary part of my life, I know. At least for now. It's where I park my stuff. Christmas is coming soon, and it'd be nice to make some sales, and it would help if I had new stuff listed. I have stuff to list now (magnets), photos of work that need to be edited, and a big pile of cards to be made where the foundations are laid already.
In the meantime, I had been getting frustrated with the state of my house. I had been quite manic in thinking up hundreds of projects that were getting nowhere because I kept distracting myself and not following through. And they made a big mess on my kitchen table.
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| Bad Chaos |
My ability to work coherently was gone because of the clutter. My space was disappearing. What organization I'd had before was gone, and I needed to take charge.
So that's what I did. And this is the result, after about 3 hours of reorganizing, sifting, tossing, and so on.
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| Good Chaos |
You may ask "What's the difference?" The difference is that what's on the table is purposed stuff. In the back is my tub for cards and the calendars I'm making for Christmas gifts. I have a few of my personal projects handy. And I changed the table cover.
And I also cleaned out my kitchen closet which was in dire need of some organization. And Friday I worked on the collage space. I think that will always be cluttered because it's so small.
Although I still felt depressed and down, seeing a bag of trash and the bag of paper to be recycled swept some of the cobwebs out of my brain and it signaled an accomplishment. Cleaning is good for the soul - I really believe that.
I'm hoping this will help clean out the crap in my soul too, in a small way. Getting back to purposeful work may be something I need. I know I enjoy making the work for sale in the shop. As Cynthia said in her comment on my Friday post, if I enjoy it then it's therapy. And I've always believed that. I just feel, though, that by relying on the tried and true I am not pushing myself to do better.
It's going to be necessary that I learn how to prioritize my art tasks, making sure I have time to make something different, for me. Work out the details. Make lists. Research. Sort of what Bob Seger says in "Against the Wind:"
Deadlines and commitments,
What to leave in
What to leave out
That is definitely a "should."
later,
lin
