I'm Hearing Images, I'm Seeing Songs

Most people who know me know that I am an insatiable lover of music.  And many of those people know that I have amassed a lot of music trivia and factoids that most people really could care less about.

Yes, I will admit that I probably need a 12 step program to ease my addiction to music, but there are indeed worse obsessions, I will argue.

My love of music dates back to childhood when the composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein (a true maestro) would broadcast his program "Young People's Concerts" on Saturdays and later Sundays, and my parents would insist that I watch them.  They didn't have to force me - I was transfixed by the sights and sounds of an orchestra.

Music was always playing in the house.  I remember well the old stereo we had, with the blue case, that was often busy with whatever LPs my dad felt like playing.  The stereo was, for me, a holy thing and it was a great thrill when I was finally allowed to use it myself.  One of my favorite gifts as a child was my very own little portable record player, and I still remember the 45 inch singles I had of songs by Peter Paul and Mary and other artists.

 The very first 45 I bought myself was Elton John's "Your Song," which became the song my ex-husband and I would have danced our first dance to, had we not had to speed up our wedding because we had to move to Syracuse, New York for his job.

Throughout my adult years, music also was a major influence.  It was also a refuge.  When things were really awful at home, I could hide away with my earphones and Walkman (for those who don't remember, a portable tape player and radio made by Sony) or play my music on my own stereo on my room.

Ironically, one of the things that kept me going was also one of the things that drove me to distraction.  For some reason, when I first started having audio hallucinations, it was music that I heard over and over.  Not complete songs, either.  Instead I heard rapid and short bursts of melodies that would change without warning and sometimes repeat itself.  There were pieces I came to hate because they would be a constant backdrop, such as Aaron Copeland's "Appalachian Spring."

It's difficult living with that noise that is almost a constant.  It wasn't just music but also verbal hallucinations where I would hear muffled conversations in the background that were rarely understandable.  None of my physicians have ever been able to figure out where this comes from.  And it's so much a part of my life that, I suppose, I've gotten used to it.

So what do I do to counter it?  More music.  And TV of course.  But mostly music.  It's rare that I don't have something playing in the background.  I go through personal fads - some longer than others.  Much of the time it's classical CDs if I'm not working online.  Mozart, Bach, Mussorgsky, Beethoven, medieval chants all find their way into my CD player.  Other CDs I play frequently include the Indian singer Sheila Chandra, Mumford and Sons, Coldplay, Stan Getz, 1920s jazz, Led Zeppelin, and so on.

And that doesn't even include my Amazon MP3 library which is chock full of everything from classical music to Lady Gaga (only one song by her, though).  I mentioned in a recent Facebook post that my phone's MP3 player had made a weird transition, from Simon & Garfunkel to Van Halen.  I think some people thought that was funny.  I did, anyway.

What's the point of this point?  Simply that my piece of mind AND my creativity are fed by another of the fine arts, music.  

Sometimes I think about what sense I would hate losing the most - sight or sound - and it's a difficult thing to decide.  Being blind would be so difficult because I would not see the sunset or sunrise (if I'm up that early -a  rare thing), I would not see people's faces, and it'd be hard to make stuff.  But hearing - oh to not hear music - that would be horrible.  True, I would have the memory of music I know well to, well, listen to.  But without the external noise to counteract, I can't imagine what I'd do about the other audio hallucinations.

And this is actually a serious question I've asked myself because I am indeed partially deaf in both ears and depend on hearing aids. 

I hope, though, that I won't actually have to answer that question anytime soon.

My love of music does make its way into my work, as in this small wall art canvas that depicts a young violinist at one with her instrument.  It's one of my favorites.  You can find it by clicking on the name below the image

The Violinist

What music are you compelled to listen to?

later,
lin

P.S.  The title of this post is taken from a song by ABBA, called "I Let the Music Speak"